I recently started talking about my struggle with pornography. In my early twenties, I went through a season of darkness. I was so broken by insecurity that I ran to something that never rejected me... porn. My wife didn't know. My friends didn't know. I carried shame every day. When I finally realized I needed help, it was one of the hardest conversations I have ever had. I came clean to my wife. She was heartbroken. It took a long time and many conversations for her to begin to understand that it had nothing to do with her. She was not my issue. I was my issue. There were deep problems that I needed to walk through. It was BECAUSE of her love and trust that I was able to have these difficult conversations. You guys don't believe me when I tell you my wife is a saint. After all these years, I still cannot believe the grace she showed me during that difficult season.
Over time, God's grace, lots of prayer, and accountability I started walking in freedom. During this long journey, there were many difficult lessons to be learned. Just about all of them can be found in a book I just read entitled "Unwanted."
There were so many issues that had nothing to do with pornography that kept me coming back to it again and again. I also had trouble communicating to others the feelings of intense shame I was experiencing. All of this and more can be discovered by this book. I highly recommend it to everyone who is struggling with pornography or if you are walking with someone who is.
Here are three takeaways from my own experience that can be ratified in this book:
1. Change is to hard to do alone. Maybe Almost Impossible
I have never met anyone who celebrated the chance to admit a problem to someone else. The this is exponentially more difficult when it comes to porn. One of the reason so many struggle is because it is so easy to hide. If you truly want to be free, you will need to enlist the help of others.
Bringing someone else into your recovery process is vital because we usually let ourselves off the hook too easy. A brother or sister will hold your "feet to the fire" and challenge you. They will also help you look back and see how far you've come. You'll probably also be surprised how many others around you know exactly what you are going through.
2. Porn will slowly destroy everything else.
The author shares many different stories about porn's ability to slowly poison all significant relationships in your life. Slowly, like any other addiction, your mind becomes obsessed with acquiring your next "fix." You also begin slowly create elaborate scenarios and daydreams that rob the beauty and innocence of the world around you. Realizing this and wanting out is a step in the direction of freedom.
3. Porn is not really about naked people.
The way someone medicates might be with porn, but the root is always something else. Many people run to pornography as a way to cope with sexual trauma, rejection, other forms of abuse, unresolved relational issues, etc, etc, etc. One of the biggest steps toward healing is realizing there is so much more going on than on the surface. You might think you are longing for that "quick fix," but you might be running from pain.
If you are struggling with pornography, you are not in this alone.
This book can help.
